Part 4 of Speaking Up
Welcome to Part 4 of this growing mini-series aimed at convincing you that protecting your career path is killing your potential.
If you’ve been following along, hopefully, you’ve identified your primary method of preservation—the one that sabotages your decision-making and causes you to shrink back when you should speak up. You are doing the work to suppress that internal urge to put yourself first. Well done!
If not, click here to read Seven Deadly Methods Of Self-Preservation, then come back! By the way, this is not just a “YOU problem.” This is a human problem, a shared instinct every leader must defeat.
It’s only when we let go of the illusion of job security that we can lead with the kind of reckless vulnerability needed to make a difference.
And when I say vulnerability (in this case), I don’t mean sharing embarrassing feelings; I mean putting your neck on the line for someone else.
This blog is for you…
- IF you’re afraid to do what you (and everybody else) know needs to happen.
- IF you worry about what others will think if you address the elephant in the room or tip the sacred cow.
- And finally, IF you’re tired of playing it safe and ready to make an elephant-sized impact, this blog is for you!
This blog will help you understand your desire to self-protect so you can rewire it. Because playing it safe is riskier than you think, it's costing you influence.
Let’s dive in!
Self-Preservation Is Ego Protection
Leaders worth following have one thing in common: They’ve slayed their ego. To be more precise, they are in the habit of slaying their ego—actively aware and at war with their instinct to protect and put their interests first. Because the ego never fully dies.
Ego wants status, title, and recognition. Leaders want progress, opportunity for others, and a healthy culture—two mutually exclusive paths. Choose wisely.
Overcoming self-preservation is a daily decision.
Once you know your pre-disposition, you can pre-decide NOT to do that thing YOU DO—that people want to punch you for. Identify, then rectify. That’s how we move from ego protection to ego suppression. Therefore, reaching your God-given potential—so your team can reach theirs—involves a daily decision to die to yourself.
What does it mean to die to yourself?
It means die to praise, credit (hardest for me), control (hardest for most leaders), perception, promotions, and prestige.
- For example, when you sit in a meeting and realize someone is rolling out an idea you’ve been pushing for years as their own “fresh” take, you have two choices: Be grateful the idea is getting traction or resentful that it took someone else saying it to be heard.
- Or when you find out someone mischaracterized you or your intentions? You can defend yourself or let your reputation speak for itself.
Also, die to… being right, being first OR last (whichever’s easier), being seen as, thought of, needed by, wanted for… And—for the love—DIE TO BEING LIKED!
And do it daily.
What happens if we skip the ego-slaying step?
Protect-Your-Own-Butt Leadership
Five words with some hyphens: Protect-your-own-butt leadership. If self-preservation is a moth, protect-your-own-butt leadership is a monarch—the fullest expression of the internal urge to put ourselves first. It’s as common as it is problematic.
Countless eyebrow-raising decisions and leadership fails can be traced back to a keep-your-job-at-all-costs mindset. That “survival” instinct in the wild is a feature, not a bug. For leaders (in an office), it’s a barrier that must be overcome for this reason: The path of self-preservation always ends in choosing what’s best for you over the right thing to do.
And when you move into a leadership role, it’s no longer about you; an idea I’m afraid is getting lost in the accomplishments (and accouterments) of the climb.
How did we get here?
We grew up in it. The American dream is about you and your dreams—not building your neighbor up to surpass you or laying down your pursuits for the greater good of your hood. Nah. Ideally, you are not only keeping up with the Joneses; you are beating them!
What’s-in-it-for-me Leadership
Climbing the corporate ladder is part and parcel of the American dream. Work culture is a microcosm of this “what’s in it for me” status-driven mindset.
- Entry-level jobs are stepping-stones or “starter homes.”
- Promotions are a pathway to leave your team or “outgrow your neighborhood.”
- More pay connects with moving up or out, not staying in one place long enough to build something significant or “get to know your neighbors.”
Since the goal is to move up versus dig down roots, many leaders are long gone before building anything, let alone an undeniable culture.
The work environment is set up to climb, NOT build.
There’s nothing wrong with moving up as long as the climb is a byproduct of building something first. Consequently, when the goal is to climb the ladder more than build a culture, a protect-your-own-butt mentality feels necessary for several reasons:
- The genius in your peers is a threat to your dreams.
- The rising tide that could lift all boats is also a wave that could destroy your boat.
As a result, comparison and scarcity are the lens through which everything is viewed instead of potential and abundance. When that shift occurs, people become a means to an end instead of the point. Which is why…
Protect-your-own-butt leadership is the fastest way to make your team wanna kick yours.
And if that’s your “MO,” I guarantee your team is aware. That’s the bad news. The good news is you don’t have to stay there. You can let your guard down today and begin caring more about who you are charged with leading than what you are in charge of.
There’s nothing to fear except losing your job.
And the fastest way to do that is to lead with a fear of losing your job! To be clear, I’m not saying you will never lose your job if you go this direction; I’m saying you will never make a massive impact if you don’t. Growing up playing hockey taught me a similar lesson that I now tell my kids ad nauseam…
When you play scared, you get hurt. When you play like you’re invincible, you are.
Bottomline: The only way to overcome your default mode is to discard it. And again, we do that by identifying it and rewiring it daily (perishable skill).
So why is this so difficult?
Higher IS Harder
The higher we climb on the org chart, the harder it is to turn off this protect-your-own-butt mode because we have more and more to lose. We get too comfortable. No one is immune (including me). It’s a daily decision I don’t always get right. It’s no wonder risk aversion and years leading have an inverse relationship.
It moves from protecting our people to protecting our pension, safeguarding our status and salaries instead of serving our teams. As your pay increases, so do the reasons to stay quiet. Every promotion adds another excuse to shut up.
I know because I committed to leading this way when I was barely on the payroll. It was easy to risk it all when there was nothing to lose. Now, almost 20 years in, I still ask myself this question:
Am I willing to lose my job for these people? For my principles? If not, why not?
In other words, am I willing to do what’s right when it would be easier to get in line? Or, in my case, ESCAPE—my default mode of self-preservation. Understandably, this is where I lose people.
“Love the blog, Dave, but wait… You want me to risk my reputation for what? You’re asking me to stick my neck out for that clown who just got here and can’t do anything in return??”
Yes, yes, I am if it’s the right thing to do.
The Cost Of Leadership
We hear a lot about the perks of leadership: title, parking spot, power, corner office, wingtips, prestige… (all things I’ve heard about.) We don’t talk nearly enough about the cost of leadership and the reality that the more influence you have, the more expensive it is to keep.
For example, it’s easier to give ten percent of $100 than 10% of $100,000, right? Making decisions that help or hurt one person is easier than affecting 10, 20, 100, and beyond. That increase in weight will cost you things like good sleep, healthy cortisol levels, even hair on your head. (I’m mainly speaking for dudes here. Ladies, what would you say?)
As your influence grows, your freedom goes.
The higher up you go in leadership, the heavier your words will fall and the more damage they can cause. The more people you lead, the more livelihoods at stake and the greater the fallout from mistakes. Now combine that with your growing salary and sense of power; collectively, there’s a lot to lose. And yet…
“Being willing to lose our jobs for the principles we stand for and the people we lead is what separates the leaders who inspire us from the leaders who will climb right over us.”
"Being willing to lose our jobs for the principles we stand for and the people we lead is what separates the leaders who inspire us from the leaders who will climb right over us." Share on X
The Paradox Of Sacrifice
Before you panic and unsubscribe from this blog… Like most worthwhile things in life, this concept is both perishable (never gets easier) and paradoxical (doesn’t quite make sense). If you can mentally tap into “crazy mode” for your people, you will also become the kind of leader your organization would be crazy to lose.
Ryan Holiday says it this way: “The obstacle is the way,” not a possibility or even avoidable; it’s the only choice. The self-sacrificial path is the way for leaders.
Influence in any organization comes from a track record of choosing the greater good; influence with people comes from a track record of choosing them. Leaders do both.
The Self-Sacrificial Leader
If it was easy, everyone would do it. Patrick Lencioni talks about servant leadership as a given. I agree wholeheartedly. All leadership IS servant leadership. But not all leaders are sacrificial. Pat is one of my heroes, so I’m pretty confident he will support me going a step further. Ready?
“Good leaders serve; great leaders sacrifice.”
So, how do you get to a place where YOU sincerely want to sacrifice for your team or a cause bigger than you?
Choose to lead from your core convictions and ignore your self-protection instincts.
Do that and everything changes! Cue the scary but necessary metamorphosis from self-serving to sacrificial leader—a redeployment of self-interest energy into ambition for others. Will you get it right every time? No. You’re still human! But if you die to yourself daily, your actions will start to align with your convictions over time.
All of this begs a really fair question:
“If I do this, what’s in it for me!??”
The Currency Of Leadership Is Influence
The answer to the million-dollar question is influence. Notice I did NOT say recognition or a promotion. Influence. According to the Godfather of leadership, John Maxwell, “Leadership IS influence.” With it, anything’s possible. Without it, nothing happens. The currency of leadership is influence. And the way we get it is this:
Lose yourself for those you lead, and you will gain influence.
"Lose yourself for those you lead, and you will gain influence." Share on X
Final Exhortation
At this point (in theory), you’ve successfully rewired your desire to self-protect by dying to yourself daily. WAY TO GO! That is how we beat protect-your-own-butt leadership. Not easy. Do that long enough and a culture people WANT to be a part of will emerge, not overnight but over time. That’s the “build part” and, in my opinion, the best part.
Maybe you’re asking another fundamental question:
“What if I don’t know my core convictions?”
I’m glad you asked. Stay tuned for the final installment in this speak-up/die-to/gain-influence opus.
NEXT -> Finding YOUR core convictions.
It’s pre-decided when I throw on my lawyer suit and paint my face blue (picture William Wallace in a 3-piece suit) because when you know what hill(s) you WILL die on, you don’t have to wonder when it’s time to engage.
Next, we will discuss the importance of identifying your core convictions and they will be different from mine. These battle lines will be your guide for knowing when and why it’s time to speak up and ultimately lead. In the meantime, consider these questions:
- What is YOUR hill?
- If you had to choose ONE thing that was so important, you WOULD “die on that hill,” what would it be?
Every leader needs an answer… most don’t. You are not most leaders.
Thank You For Reading, Reacting, And Subscribing!
I’m grateful you would take the time to read these blogs. If it helps just one person, it’s all worth it! If this blog has helped you specifically, I would love to hear about it to understand what’s resonating, what’s not, and serve you better.
- Comment below and give me your perspective. Let me have it!
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