We all know that comparison kills contentment. But do we understand that for leaders, comparison kills credibility and skews our view of reality?
You can’t lead a team and compete with them at the same time.
So, what do you do when someone comes along who is better than you? (And they always do… eventually.)
But first…
We are in the market for a new toilet. Ours is officially giving up.
I find myself in a weekly staring contest, plunger in hand, resenting it more and more with each attempted flush. Our toilet is tired of disappointing; I’m done plunging. It’s mutual.
Fast forward. We are on our way home from vacation (at the height of my new toilet research) and I decide to use the ‘Lav’ on the airplane. It’s something you probably never think about, but when you’re in the market for a new can—and then you experience the power of an airplane flush—YOU CAN’T HELP BUT WANT IT!
Remember the “low-flow episode” on Seinfeld when Kramer is in the black-market for a showerhead with more pressure?
As soon as the guy opens the back of his van and Kramer sees the one designed for elephants, he must have THAT ONE!
I’m no different. Once I experienced the airplane flush, a ‘consumer-can’ wouldn’t cut it. I needed a toilet for circus elephants.
What’s my point? Glad you asked.
Just when I thought I had done all the comparative research that could be done and landed on a toilet that promises to take down a FULL bucket of golf balls, something else came along that was not even in the same ballpark. Something with power that quite literally was connected to a Jet engine.
I hate to break it to you: There’s always someone out there who is smarter, funnier, faster, and better than you.
It’s taken me a while to get comfortable with the fact that I might not be the best at everything, but I can be the best at recognizing who is and helping them succeed.
As soon as we can come to terms with this unavoidable truth, we can begin to lead in a way that is not threatened by greatness but rather embraces it, learns from it, harnesses it—even celebrates it in others.
You might be flushing a bucket of golf balls and impressing all your friends. Then one day, a toilet shows up that can swallow you whole. Unfortunately, that can be true for years for some of us, and then it’s not. Out of nowhere –airplane flush! Now what?
You don’t have to let that undermine your leadership because being the boss is not predicated on being the best at everything. That just makes you the lid, not the leader.
Being the boss is not predicated on being the best; that just makes you the lid, not the leader. Share on XWhen someone comes along who is better than you (and they always do), don’t fight it; invite it.
Embrace their greatness. Harness it. Dare I say, learn from them?
- Are you willing to ask someone you supervise for advice?
- If not, why not?
When we admit we don’t have all the answers, we are showing that we ‘deal in reality.’ (Your team is likely more aware of your strengths and weaknesses than you btw.)
It’s freeing and fundamental when building a culture that surpasses you and inescapable when leading a thriving team that attracts top talent.
Feeling threatened might be normal, but it’s not helpful.
Allowing yourself to be threatened by someone—weaponizes them—creating an unhealthy dynamic between you and that person. It’s self-centered, and ultimately it hurts the team.
“You don’t wanna hurt the team, do you?”
We all get out-flushed eventually.
Initially my credibility came from my ability, not my leadership.
Some of you WERE the best at one time. Maybe that’s how you ended up in the leader chair. You were the most skilled in a craft, you had some expertise that earned you respect and led to a natural authority in an area.
But as we age and the bar gets higher, or new people come into the fold, that will change.
When it does, don’t waste your time competing and comparing: “Pivot, don’t panic,” as my good friend Jon Acuff would say.
I can call him a good friend because he sends me text messages just about every week. I subscribe. (@JonAcuff)
Adapting is the secret to leading people who could lead you.
Covid was code for constant pivoting. So, all of us learned to pivot and eventually stop panicking in every single aspect of our lives.
If nothing else, we used the word ‘pivot’ ten times a day to describe a change in policy that was going to hack off exactly 50% of the people we were dealing with.
We got good at changing directions. We learned to adapt.
As leaders, we need to be as fluid as 2020 in adapting, changing, leveling up, down, and around. Again, you don’t have to be the best, but you do have to be willing to adapt.
Adapting is the antidote to aging out.
Think of your favorite athlete of all time. I’ll assume it’s Tiger Woods because he really IS the greatest to ever play, anything.
BUT even Tiger has gone on record saying, “Father Time always wins,” meaning eventually he won’t be able to win.
Unthinkable. Unfathomable. Unconscionable. (Jackie Chile’s voice, ‘Seinfeld’s lawyer.’)
The great ones, those who go deep in their careers like Tiger, Tom, and Wayne, have accepted that fact, which allows them to adapt their game to reality and the chapter of life they are in. Notice I didn’t even need last names…
Like I said, “The great ones.”
Tiger is NOT the longest hitter on tour anymore, but his experience and course management are second to none. His killer instinct is still there, but he’s not using bazookas anymore; he’s using a blowgun? (I’m assuming they are more precise.)
He knows the only way to keep winning is to keep learning, growing and adapting. Tiger turned flushing power into staying power by knowing when to play his game and when to pivot.
Plenty of threats have come and gone. He was too busy playing his game to notice, which was also different in the early ’90s, the 2000s, and today.
So, let me ask you: What will you do when someone comes along who can outdrive you by 20 yards—sorry, talk better? Send better emails? Inspire more? Flush more golf balls? Cast better vision?
- Will you play your game?
- Will you remember who you are?
- Will you allow yourself to be threatened OR will you position them to be most effective?
Here’s the good news: If the team is winning, you are too. If you are a leader, your impact is directly connected to the success of the team, not what you can achieve (on your own).
Your team is not your competition—you are.
Stop wasting your time comparing and competing; start adapting. Don’t be tempted to mitigate the talent around you; propagate it.
If you’re threatened by the greatness around you, you’ll miss the uniqueness within you.
Remember, you don’t have to be the best at everything to be the leader—just aware enough to know who is and how to position them for maximum flushing power.
Get that right, and you’ll be amazed what a team can accomplish without limits (your brakes) when everyone is working out of their strengths.
Lids compare, leaders adapt. Don’t be a lid, be a leader.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.
My hope is it helps. If you did find it helpful, feel free to share it with a friend, a boss, someone who needs to hear it, someone who does this well… Whomever you want.
I love hearing your feedback so let me know what you think in the comments below! And if you disagree, please tell me why so I can either argue or adapt.
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“All unhappiness comes from comparison.” An axiom I’ve repeated thousands of times over the last 30 years, frequently just to myself, often out loud to others.
It is not ALWAYS true but it is more than 90% of the time.
Very good concepts communicated in a memorable fashion! I have a different relationship with my toilet now than I did a few years ago. I’ve adapted😉
Keep blogging, you’re helping others!
Thanks Mark -love hearing from you! Looking forward to hanging..
Dave, once again hitting it out of the park.
This is what maturity looks like. It’s taking a look at those around you and celebrating what they bring to the table. It’s trading “I wish I could be as good as _____,” for “I love watching ______ do that! Blows my mind. Hey everybody, did you see _____? So good.” It’s being self-aware enough to recognize your own gifts and limitations, and know that no one is better at being you than you. So bring what you have, let others bring what they have, and thank God we’re not all the same.
From the show I was in called “2 Pianos 4 Hands”, in which two concert pianists finally come to terms with their own averageness:
Me: We’re two of the best piano players in the world!
Him: No, we’re not.
Me: We’re two of the best piano players in the country.
Him: No, we’re not.
Me: In the city?
Both: No.
Me: In the neighborhood?
Him: Yes.
Both: We are two of the best piano players in the neighborhood.
(Then they sit down at their pianos and play a 7-minute Bach Concerto, for the love of the music, and smile.)
Your response was its own blog. Two things that knocked me out of my chair: 1. Know that no one is better at being you than you. 2. Thank God we’re not all the same.
You are a deep well. Thanks for taking the time to read this and being such an amazing encourager to me.
Now retired, I look back on various teams I led over my career and I’m certain I was threatened by some of my colleagues. I found the best way to keep the team moving forward was to let participants run with their expertise while I sought a way to let them know they were supported and appreciated. “He knows the only way to keep winning is to keep learning, growing and adapting.” That means learning from other members of the team and releasing their creativity for the benefit of the team. Your self-awareness and vulnerability in this piece is priceless.
I wanna hear more.