PART 2 “What You See Is What You Say.”

Feedback is the ongoing conversation of an organization and one of the most OBVIOUS indicators of cultural health. It’s the dialogue of development.

Tragically, we can go for years without paying any attention to how that convo is being handled.

It can become a routine part of the job; even if it’s toxic, it’s just what we do. Or worse, it’s who we think we are.

It’s not.

You might just need a new view, which is what this blog is all about.

If you missed PART 1, you can read it here.

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To Review…

Fear less feedback is helpful, not hurtful; it’s timely and ‘for the love,’ fixable. It’s motivated by the desire to help others grow and develop. And most importantly, it’s rooted in relationship.  

Give that kind of feedback consistently over time, and people will begin to fear less and hear more.

Simple right?

But what if your culture is past the point of tweaks and needs a full-on pile driver?

This post will help leaders change the type of feedback they are getting by changing the questions they are asking, which becomes the lens for everything.

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Fear less feedback starts with the right lens.

As the leader, you can’t police all feedback, but if your culture is clearly headed in the wrong direction, there are two main levers for change:

• THE LENS
  • The questions you ask to evaluate performance and give feedback
• THE REWARD
  • The kind of feedback that earns a pat on the back or “Scooby snack”

Let’s start with the Lens…

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THE LENS | Change your gaze.

Have you ever noticed what happens when you are in the market for a new car? Suddenly, every vehicle you see on the road is the one you’re researching. (Never noticed them before and now they’re everywhere!)

We are in the market for a minivan. Guess what catches my eye these days? That’s right, minivans. Jealous?

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Change what you’re looking for and you’ll change what you see.

The feedback we were giving was no longer working.

We were stuck in the weeds while glaring issues were going unseen and unaddressed. That is one of the fastest ways to frustrate people.

We had to zoom out BEFORE we could create a culture of helpful feedback.

When we were a church with one campus, our pursuit of excellence at ‘all cost’ was inspiring. But as we scaled, it became less and less tied to reality, and by the time we had more than a handful of campuses, we were dealing with a much broader range of ability.

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Here’s what I learned:

Demanding excellence from people who are not—is downright discouraging. Even with the best intentions, it’s cruel if it can’t be true.  

“The pursuit of excellence unchecked always leads to perfectionism. And perfectionism doesn’t scale. Development does.“

The pursuit of excellence unchecked always leads to perfectionism. And perfectionism doesn’t scale. Development does. Share on X

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The questions you ask create the lens through which you evaluate.

We were nearsighted. Your team might be farsighted.

That doesn’t matter as much as the question: Is it the right lens for the current season?

Maybe you sell widgets, and the obvious question has always been, “How many did we sell?” But for example, if you began asking, “How many did we sell, again?” Now you are measuring repeat sales, customer satisfaction, and loyalty, which requires an entirely different set of relational skills from your team.

Changing or adding one word in the question can dramatically alter your destination.

“If you’re the leader, then you get to decide what glasses people wear to work.”

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Change your lens by asking new questions.

We were looking for perfection at the expense of connection. If we were looking for minivans, now we were looking for SUVs. (Not necessarily better but decidedly different.)

For example…

• As we evaluated our church service, instead of asking what went wrong, we began asking what went well.

• Instead of focusing on the exact wording of a welcome, we asked was it genuine and did it connect?

These were seemingly small but surprisingly seismic shifts that set the stage for a drastic culture change.

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New Lens. New Perspective.

Those simple tweaks quickly changed the overall tone from critical to encouraging, a much-needed shift. Of course, details still mattered, but they were now less important than things like overall engagement and response.

Feedback was becoming life-giving and not just nit-picky. Feedback was feeling helpful. Turns out most people DO want to grow and get better.

Some of you give plenty of feedback, but you are focused on the wrong things.

“See something, say something” is helpful at the airport but will unnecessarily choke out your culture faster than you can say…

Is it helpful or is it habit?

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Different seasons require different lenses.

New questions elicit different responses. Are the questions you’re asking building the culture you imagined?

If not, don’t be afraid to make a change—swap lenses by asking different questions—change your gaze and try a new look!

Why?

Because 100% of the time you will find what you’re looking for.

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Relish Resistance.

I was ready for a new view in my personal life and decided to make a frame change. Those closest to me made some helpful comparisons to affirm the decision…

Change always comes with resistance.

“Relish resistance: It’s an indicator you’re moving in the right direction.”

Also…

Don’t be discouraged; it will take time for the old way to fade—that’s ok.

Moving on to the next lever…

Relish resistance: It's an indicator you're moving in the right direction. Share on X

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THE REWARD | Change your ways.

Congratulations!

You’ve successfully changed the questions you’re asking, and maybe for the first time, everyone is wearing the same lenses, searching for and looking past the same things.

The next step is to follow the Scooby-snack to make sure you are rewarding the right kind of feedback.

WARNING: If you skip this step, you’ll go right back to where you were.

Andy Stanley says it this way: What gets rewarded gets repeated. (@AndyStanley)

I say it this way: People will fetch whatever gets them a Scooby-snack. (Flows better. Makes more sense. Way better! 1-0 me. Jk.)

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The Scooby-Snack That Broke The Camel’s Back

In that same myopic season, people would literally scan the room for anything just to ‘have something’ to say in debrief. As we got more and more granular, we began conflating productivity with giving feedback, whether it was helpful or not.

The goal is not NO-Feedback, and the goal is certainly not—say something, anything, so people feel productive.

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I remember one Sunday, as we went around the room, it got to this guy who looked up with a silly amount of confidence and excitement that was downright disturbing, and he said, “The music leader has a chain connected to his wallet… I’m wondering if the light might hit that and become a distraction?”

He knew he had a winner.

Instantly the facilitator tossed up a Scooby Snack as he leaped into the air and, in one fell swoop, swallowed his pride. At least that’s how I remember it going down.

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We were praising people for pointless feedback.

And here’s what I learned: What you praise is what you raise.

• What kind of feedback are you praising?
  • Does it answer the questions that build the culture you’re trying to create?
  • Is it new lens or old lens?

• What kind of leaders are you raising (up)?
  • Are they looking for things that foster a fear LESS, hear MORE culture of feedback?
  • Are they wearing the right glasses to work?

Once everyone fully understands the NEW LENS, if someone brings feedback that is ‘OLD LENS,’ there is only one appropriate response:

Do that enough times and behavior will change.

And when it does, everything changes.

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Two steps forward, one step sideways.

A “Fear LESS Feedback Culture” doesn’t happen by accident.  But it does change with intention. It took us a couple years for the old lens to fade enough for the new lens to become the default.

You will have to fight to ensure everyone continues wearing their NEW glasses to work. In addition, you will need to be intentional with ‘attaboys’ and Scooby-snacks to make sure you’re rewarding the kind of feedback that builds the culture you want.

Don’t give up!

Instead, expect to take two steps forward, one step sideways. That dance is the battleground between what was and what could be, a transition period of wearing “transitions” between the old and new views. (See what I did there?)

Then, as new people join your organization with fresh eyes, the scales will begin to tip. And it will be as unnoticeable and natural as the seasons change.

It won’t happen overnight, but one day you’ll realize IT IS HAPPENING!

And when that happens?

Enjoy the new view.

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Thanks for reading this blog!!! It means the world to me.

Next month, we will discuss the elephant in the room: Approach. You can get everything right, and people still want to sucker punch you. WHY?

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