Your culture is at risk.
It’s amazing what happens when you get a splinter. It’s barely noticeable to the human eye, and yet it becomes the only thing that matters in your life the moment it enters your body.
Everything is on hold until you get that little wooden sword out.
Some people in your ranks are splinters. They are disruptive on purpose and intend to cause division in your culture. Their behavior is toxic. Unthinkable, I know.
Too many leaders wait it out and hope it works itself out. Don’t wait!
Looking the other way is how a culture turns toxic.
This two-part blog will either help you reverse the tide of toxicity or help you build immunity.
After all, you’ve come this far, don’t let a couple “bozos” ruin it for everybody.
Under Attack
What do you do when you get a splinter? First, if you’re like me, you scream, “Raaaaach!!!!” (That’s my wife.) Then you grab a good set of tweezers and start digging.
If that doesn’t work, you put your hand in some warm water long enough for the intruder to rear its ugly head. When it does, you grab it and get your life back. Exhale.
What you don’t do—is nothing.
It should be no different when your culture has a splinter. The faster you get it out, the faster you can heal. In other words, you might have to ask someone to leave.
Culture Splinters Spread
A splinter is like a tiny rudder with the power to steer a massive ship. They can change the entire direction of an organization. If you let them.
Culture splinters are culture killers. But unlike an actual splinter, they multiply. Hence the classic saying, “One bad apple spoils the bunch.”
So, get them out before there’s more!
Splinters Skew Our View
When you have a splinter, there is no future, no past, only the unbearable pain of the present. Splinters force our focus… on them.
Herein lies the tragedy.
We become laser-focused on the “one” who doesn’t want to be there and lose sight of the 99 who do. #recklesslove
Here’s a truth every leader must accept:
Some people will never be on board with your vision.
And that’s ok.
When we remove splinters, we can redirect our energy to the people who are not intentionally trying to hurt us. It’s that simple.
But of course, it’s never that simple.
Trust your inner splinter.
Gut Knows Best
If I could change one thing about how I led over the last six years, it would be to listen to my inner splinter sense sooner.
Your gut knows before you do. The problem is your head and your heart weigh in next.
If I’m not careful, I can create a convincing Cinderella story on the spot for every splinter I encounter.
“My greatest weakness is that I LOVE PEOPLE TOO MUCH.”
In this case, your gut DOES know best.
Intentions are felt. They are communicated in every way except words. That’s the language of the gut. PAY ATTENTION!
Some of you are reading this, and a person immediately came to mind for a reason. Listen. Lean in.
A Word To Culture Splinters
If you’re a splinter, you don’t have to be.
Instead of pointing out problems, suggest solutions. Find new ways to connect, like baseball.
Then, YOUR life will get better! People will want to work with you and stop trying to push you out. I promise.
That’s it.
Becoming Toxic
Before we dive into how to GET UNTOXIC, we must understand why cultures become toxic starting with the obvious question:
Why do people become splinters in the first place?
NEGATIVITY IS CONTAGIOUS
None of us are immune from the undeniable power of negativity. I know because I’ve been sucked in by its power. In retrospect I’m embarrassed; in reality I couldn’t see it. I was too far in it.
If you are surrounded by negativity, it will change you over time.
We don’t have the ability to stay in a permanent state of pushback. Eventually, we all give up and give in to the power of negativity. We surrender to the soup that surrounds us.
Water breaks down rock; negativity breaks down people.
The splinter progression in 10 easy steps:
STEP 1
- You start a new job at a great organization.
- Brimming with excitement, you are grateful for the opportunity.
- The first six months are mostly rainbows and unicorns. It’s pure bliss.
STEP 2
- Soon, you hear rumblings from disgruntled employees. It bounces off you like water off a galloping horse’s bare back.
STEP 3
- You begin spending more time with people who have replaced their excitement with entitlement.
- Of course, they’ve been there all along. But initially, their words went in one ear and out the other.
STEP 4
- You do your best to listen without being complicit because you don’t entirely agree.
- That said, it is fun to have a few laughs at the expense of leadership.
“Those idiots!”
STEP 5
- As your budding frustrations take root, you start to “come around” and feel a new sense of belonging.
“Yeah, everybody seems to be coming around.”
STEP 6
- It feels good to know you deserve better, that it’s not fair.
- And if things were as they should be, you might even be in charge. “The system is rigged dang it!”
Wait what? (It happens fast!)
STEP 7
- Your new lens for what’s wrong with everything gets stronger.
- As time passes, you lose sight of the things that once inspired you, only to find half-empty LaCroixs everywhere.
- (Glass half empty, ICYMI 🤷♂️.)
STEP 8
- Now, you only see problems.
- What you don’t see is how much your perspective has changed—for the worse.
- Solutions sound like hand slaps.
STEP 9
- Finally, you view the people with solutions AS the problem.
- They are now the reason for your frustration.
- Splinter progression complete. ✅
STEP 10
- Rinse and repeat.
The Human Condition
This progression is human nature unchecked, without vision, left to its own devices. It’s the default direction with the help of gravity and human depravity.
Again, none of us are immune.
A few reasons this is so common:
•It’s always easier to go downhill.. Without a reason to go uphill, most people would rather coast than pedal.
•Complaining feels like connection. Even more insidious is the feeling of connectedness that comes with complaining. Admittedly it can be fun (for a while) but it’s fleeting.
•Gossip is the language of the bored and insecure. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we feel better than others.
Bottomline, it’s a great way to bond at someone else’s expense.
Gossip is the easiest and cheapest way to connect: It only costs your integrity.
•A common enemy is a great way to inspire pirates. But it’s a cheap way to build momentum. Ultimately, it creates counterfeit community.
Stop The Spread
The only way to “stop the spread” of negativity is to relentlessly root it out before it ruins your culture.
You can’t wish it away. And for the love, you cannot look the other way—as much as we try.
Start Where You Are
When I stepped into my current role over six years ago, the common bond was ripping on the organization. Fueled by frustration—some were valid by the way—it was “faux connection” at its finest. We had created counterfeit community.
Good people were leaving; splinters were winning.
Many of you reading this are in that exact spot, and I can tell you with complete confidence there IS hope but no quick fix.
It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen without a fight. But if you’re willing to pedal uphill, you can and will make a massive difference.
It took us a year to notice progress. Then, three years later it was night and day. Today I wonder if it was all a bad dream because it’s unrecognizable.
New people have no idea!
Now that we understand why it happens, we will dive into how to reverse it next month.
You too, can GET UNTOXIC!
As always, thank you for reading!
- I sincerely hope it helps. If you have questions, PLEASE reach out. I’d love to chat.
- Make sure to hit me up in the COMMENTS with YOUR thoughts!
- Also, feel free to SHARE with someone who might be interested.
Leading has never been more challenging than it is today. I hope this blog inspires you to lead with confidence and encourages you to keep going. The world needs you. Your family needs you. The little-league team needs you. And we need each other.
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Dave, well stated. I am Exactly in the spot you described. I want things to be better all around, but that is not enough. I need to be the change that I want to see. Thank You for sharing. Glad to be apart of learning how to be the change. John U.
Well, the fact that you understand the need to BE the change you want to SEE means you’re off to a strong start.