How to lead people through trying-times online (with no regrets).

I can’t be the only one who’s gotten that unsolicited weekly usage report from my iPhone and thought the average time was for the week—not the day.

…Luckily, I’m able to quickly justify it because of my insatiable desire to learn through long-form podcasts.

Yes, I’m delusional, but so are you!

Most of us are online a lot of the time. 

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Somewhere along the line we became unhinged from our ‘digital self.’

We started to believe we could say and do things online because that was just our shadow self, our avatar.

We get into weird arguments and draw hard lines. We barge into conversations with high passion and ‘low to no expertise’ and then scratch our heads in disbelief when it’s not embraced. It’s madness. But why?  

Would we do that in real life?

How often do you find yourself arguing with someone at the grocery store? When’s the last time you insulted your neighbor? “Hey Scott, the guy you voted for is an idiot!”

The answer should be never, I hope! But it happens all the time online.

Here’s the problem: Who you are online is who you are.

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Integrity is a state of being whole or undivided.

To be a person of integrity in the twenty-first century, we need to be the same at work, home, and online. And to be a leader worth following, we need all three.

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Thanks to a false sense of anonymity, who you are online might even be the most accurate version of you. It can be a glimpse into the side you hide at work. It’s you, unencumbered by other people’s presence.

The saving grace right now is that we haven’t all come to that conclusion. So, if you’ve been in ‘avatar mode,’ it’s not too late to begin reconciling your digital self with your analog self—your online persona with your in-room personality.    

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The entire world is still undecided between two distinctly different futures:

Option #1: Continued cognitive dissonance.

• We accept that people lose their minds online and look the other way.

Option #2: Congruence.

• We begin to see ‘online behavior’ as an extension of us and start holding people accountable.

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I’m hedging my bets on a future that expects our physical and virtual reality to be the same. My guess is we are just a few more seasons of insanity away from option #2 being the norm.

Worst case, if I’m wrong, I’ll be left with a ‘No regrets, Texas for life” digital wake that won’t capsize me down the road.

And if I’m right? A clean conscience… and a JOB!

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3 ways you can help your teams navigate the wild west of the internet without ever telling them what they can and can’t post

1. Remind them that “Who you are online is who you are.”

Ask them: Do you post with that in mind?

Do you hit post and think, “That’s who I want to be? This represents me well. I would feel comfortable showing that to my kids, my grandma, or MY boss.”

If not, you should BECAUSE WHO YOU ARE ONLINE IS WHO YOU ARE.

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2. Remind them of the hidden cost of leadership.

Since leadership is influence, if you work with people, you are a leader.

And the unfortunate thing about leadership is that as your influence goes up, your freedom goes down. There’s a direct correlation between the two, and it’s an inverse relationship.

All of us have an opportunity to make an impact, but not everyone is willing to pay the price.

We LOVE to talk about the perks of leadership: notoriety, the parking spot, the pleated pants? But no one likes to talk about the cost!

So, for example, you might not get to correct your crazy uncle’s conspiracy theories anymore or respond to everything you disagree with online.

(FWIW, just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean they are crazy.)

3. Model it well.

What makes it through your filter?

Are you posting bizarre shots (that could easily be misconstrued) of you on vacation without a rash guard holding a Martini?

The more visible your role, the more accountable you become.

Consequently, if you’re arguing about politics or using foul language—even if it’s righteous indignation—you are losing credibility with the people you lead. At least 50% of them. Model it well.

Our culture commonly confuses posting with purpose; if you’re only reacting and never acting, you might be mistaken.

Our culture commonly confuses posting with purpose; if you’re only reacting and never acting, you might be mistaken. Share on X

So, before you go postal ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” And btw the answer might be yes. I’m simply suggesting you ask the question and remember: The internet is a digital graveyard that can haunt you for years to come. So be sure.

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The digital dilemma is simple: if you choose you lose in this season.

All of us are prone to wander into the toxic diatribe to set the record straight. AND all of us are responsible for the judgment and perceptions (fair and unfair) that go along with that.

You might be behind a firewall, but you are not safe from the firestorm that is as pervasive as it is perverse. We all have a digital wake that becomes our future resume.

So…

Don’t take the hate bait; it’s not worth it.

Do take comfort in the fact that very few minds are being changed in the cacophony of the modern-day chatroom we call social media. In fact, the infamous algorithm is working around the clock to surround you with people who think just like you.

Therefore, social media today is increasingly NOT the place for two-way dialogue or the space to make a difference. That happens in 3-D.

The internet is great for promotion—not persuasion. So, if your goal is to market yourself or a business, that’s the place to do it. But, if it’s to change people’s minds, don’t waste your time.

The internet is great for promotion—not persuasion. If your goal is to change people's minds, don't waste your time. Share on X

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Here’s the good news!

We can start doing the work today to ensure we are “the same in every sitch” tomorrow. Two out of three won’t cut it much longer. We need the trifecta: work, home, AND online to align.

Then we can help move our teams towards congruency by reminding them that there is always a cost to being a leader, but it’s much more affordable when we accept the premise that ‘Who we are online IS who we are.’

Get that right and you never have to remember where you are.

Now that’s the kind of freedom we DO GET to enjoy as “All Three Leaders!”

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Thanks for reading this blog!

I would love to hear your thoughts about this topic, whether you agree with my assessment or think I’m nuts. Comment below and let me know! (Just remember that whatever you say is part of your digital legacy for the rest of time.)

If you found it helpful, it would mean the world to me if you would dare share it with someone who might benefit. If you want to stay digitally connected and know when fresh blogs are born, please hit subscribe!