The Art Of Requiring Participation.
Every time I receive an email in outlook with a high-priority flag and a required response, I giggle. So, what you’re saying is, “I care about this thing a lot, but I don’t have time to write an email that will convince you of its importance. Instead, I’m forcing you to respond whether you care or not.”
Got it!
The bummer is that they will never know who would have responded uncoerced and what they could have done better next time.
Two big misses!
Make it mandatory and you’ll never know if you could have led through it.
Make it mandatory and you’ll never know if you could have led through it. Share on XBecause I Said So!
I’m a parent. I get the temptation to force people to do things without casting vision or giving a compelling reason to do it.
There’s not enough time in the day to convince my kids on every issue and sometimes your only option is to go with the classic: “Because I said so, you bozo!”
No shame in that right?
When I’m at my ‘dad best,’ I’m like Steve Jobs sauntering around the house with my black turtleneck tucked into blue jeans, holding my kids’ undivided attention…
“There is, one more thing”…
Imagine after a long stressful day…
“Son, the reason it’s so important to brush your teeth goes way beyond the food that’s caked on there now.
The trajectory for the rest of your life hangs in the balance and is stuck between your teeth.
Choose wisely whether you’re gonna turn on that little Star Wars toothbrush or not; your future depends on it.”
At my worst, I’m yelling at my kids the way I scream at Siri to stop. There is no in-between.
Pro Tip: Don’t forget the “Hey!”
That approach works OK with a five-year-old, but I think I speak for all adults when I say, “Stop approaching your emails the way you discipline your kids.” It makes us want to throw a tantrum.
For example…
Please respond by _____, or you will not be able to _____.
Veiled threat?
What if instead we tried?
This thing is happening on this date, and it matters for this reason. It benefits both the organization AND each of us individually if we can make this happen. You have an opportunity to make a difference.
We will need to know if you are in by this date because of X, Y, and Z (not because I enjoy giving homework assignments). If you are interested in locking arms with us, please let us know before then. Your voice is important to us.
In it with you,
The grown-up version of me
Admittedly it took me two more minutes to write, but the difference is massive. One makes me want to pull my sister’s hair, and the other makes me feel like William Wallace braiding his hair before battle. I’m a hero. And you could be too!
Too much of our work communication is the adult equivalent of “Because I said so!”
Too much of our work communication is the adult equivalent of “Because I said so!” Share on XWhy On Earth Does This Happen?
A few possibilities…
1. We don’t take the time.
Either because we don’t think it’s worth the time or we don’t have the time. Both are bad.
Communication without vision is like a relationship without romance. It can work, but it could work so much better.
2. We think our title is enough.
It’s not.
Also, if you ever find yourself referencing your title in a debate, it’s time to pack your bags, or at the very least, give yourself a wedgie.
3. We wanna feel like a boss.
For some, it’s not about taking the extra time; it’s about being professional. Making it mandatory makes it easier to track. Using the email functions makes us feel like a boss. I get it.
However, giving people a reason to participate doesn’t make it less professional; it makes it next level.
Most people don’t, but that doesn’t need to be you. The average email is void of any vision. You can be different.
Your team and the culture that you lead deserves better.
The People You Lead Are Adults—Just Like You!
So, “Stop infantilizing them,” as Jack Byrnes would say in ‘Meet the Parents.’
Treat them as equals!
It feels weird to even say, but I think we can forget that we are dealing with other adults. For example, you might be 35 years old and in charge of an area that includes people older and younger than you.
Remember, the people you lead might be subordinates on an org chart, but they are not ‘subordinates’ in real life.
Don’t Tell Me What To Do And I’ll Do It!
I happened to marry a full-blown enneagram 8, who does not like to be told what to do. Turns out most people don’t, but thanks to her strong-willed-wiring, I get to practice this nuanced dance regularly at home.
Let me try and explain… At work, unlike prison, people can choose to leave at any point. It’s the reason that I can technically tell someone I supervise what to do but choose to ask instead. It might feel like a petty distinction but let me give you two examples, and you tell me which one compels you to give your best…
• Hey Roger, I NEED YOU TO get those TPS reports to me asap.
OR
• Hey Roger, would you be willing to set aside some time this week to get me those TPS reports?
I need you to -> would you be willing to
Barely different. Worlds apart.
One is honoring and recognizes that as humans, we are equals; the other powers up in a way that is both unnecessary and unhelpful.
One requires a title, the other requires a relationship.
(Not sure why my imaginary person is always named Roger.)
If You’ve Ever Been Dunked Against Your Will…You’ll Understand.
In one of my first real jobs in ministry, I had a boss who would have been perfect for the military.
Every year we did a big Christmas party, and I found out that I would be the big prize that year along with hundreds of kids. Everyone would get a chance to dunk me in the stinkin’ dunk tank. Are you kidding me!!!????
To be clear, getting dunked was not in my job description. It was the middle of winter in Minnesota. I had a cold, and I had no say. So, I did what anyone would do in that situation… I resisted.
The worst part about the whole thing is that I would have likely been ‘all in’ had I been asked. I was told.
Ultimately, I did get dunked, but as soon as my body touched the ice-cold water, not only did I have full-body chills, but I had full clarity.
When we ask, we honor. When we tell, we diminish.
When we ask, we honor. When we tell, we diminish. Share on XIn this case, it could be: When we ask, we honor. When we demand, we dunk.
I would never NOT ask again. At least, not on purpose.
Remember, don’t ask, don’t tell?
In leadership, it should be: Do ask, don’t tell.
And I don’t mean “ask,” but expect a yes “or else!”. I mean, really ask. You are dealing with adults, and even though it’s a workday, they might have a ‘life thing’ going on or something on the books (like a haircut). Stay tuned for a future blog about that phenomenon…
Our job as leaders is to inspire not require.
Our job as leaders is to inspire not require. Share on XWhen inspiration is our default mode, influence becomes the currency we deal in. When we fall into the trap of making things mandatory, coercion is the only available currency.
The good news is that we all get to decide which currency we use.
I hope you’ll choose influence, but it’s up to you!
Thanks for reading, sharing, commenting and of course, correcting.
I hope you found this blog helpful! It means the world to me that you would take the time to read it all the way to the bitter end.
I would love to hear what your experience has been with this idea of making things mandatory and forgetting that our place on the org chart doesn’t change our approach with people. Let me know in the comments below.
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