PART 2: Reasons TO Speak Up
Welcome back to part 2 of my first-ever quad blog. Why four? Because in my experience, speaking up is the most underused and overlooked skill every leader must learn. Let’s change that.
But first…
I was saddened to hear how many of you feel unsafe being honest in the aftermath of PART 1. That is beyond tragic. So many organizations are leaving so much on the table thanks to a few insecure leaders who would rather feel in charge than face reality. And yet, I still believe it’s a win to say what needs to be said. Let me explain…
Speaking up will either lead to influence OR information.
How it’s received speaks volumes. For example, “Thanks for sharing, we are better for it” or “Please don’t share cuz’ we don’t care” are both helpful. One encourages you to keep going; the other confirms you should get going—update your resume, get coffee with a connection, finally join LinkedIn. (If you do, I’m @dkholvig. Let’s connect!)
Second, I want to acknowledge that speaking up is a layered skill that requires more than just a willingness. However, this blog series is more about noticing the current vacuum around speaking up and the direct connection to leaders who feel stuck.
This blog will outline 3 reasons TO speak up and what can happen when you DO.
We’ve already discussed the reasons we don’t speak up, the complexity of not speaking up, and the paradoxical reality of raising your voice. If you missed that, click here.
Now, I present the 3 biggest reasons TO speak up…
3 Reasons To Speak Up
1. Help YOUR Leader Win
The organizational seat you sit in gives you a different view that is valuable. Consequently, YOU CAN help your leader win simply by helping them spin the gem all the way around. (see what they can’t see) Otherwise, your leader is uninformed. Let that happen long enough and they become delusional, partly thanks to you.
Another great way to help your leader win is to remind them what they care about. We all need someone close to us willing to say, “YOU SAID!”
You said we’d never do this… You said we care more about… You said we would be different… You said…
Do you have a “You said” person on your team? In your life? Because you need it and can be it for someone else.
2. Help Your Organization Win
Staying quiet on the sidelines is hurting both the organization you serve and the influence you earn. Adding your voice adds value. Even if you’re wrong (and it’s ok to be wrong), your opinion adds perspective, leading to better decisions.
When decisions get better, everything gets better. Win-win.
More importantly, if something is happening in your culture that violates your conscience, for crying out loud, speak up. You are likely not alone, except maybe in your willingness to call it out. Allow it to continue and at some point you become complicit.
3. Help Your Team Win
It’s one thing to say you value people; it’s another to advocate for those whose only voice is through you. Speaking up when you know it’s right but you’d rather run and hide is HOW you put people first.
To paraphrase the goat, Seth Godin says it this way:
Fear is self-focused. Our fear is about us. Generosity is about others. “How can I help?” For example, jumping in the water to save a struggling swimmer stops us from worrying about how we look in our suit or how cold the water is. It’s more than a shift in narrative. It’s a shift in intent.
In the same way, if you’re worried about the well-being of others instead of optics, speaking up is easier too. A simple shift in intent might be all it takes to get you in the game. “Mess with me, oh well. Mess with MY TEAM, watch out!”
Your willingness to fight for your team determines whether they stick with you through thick and thin. Will you?
Approach Is Everything
My friend Ted Cunningham said something recently that made me set down my iced coffee. He said, “My approach gets me in more trouble than my opinion.” Ouch!
How’s your approach?
Where would you put yourself on a scale between Minnesota Nice and New York?
Mine has been TOO NEW YORK (too direct) at times! I’ve offended people I care about trying to make a point I care way less about. When that happens, I’m once again reminded: Approach is everything!
Speaking up well demands nuance along with a laundry list of attributes: wisdom, discernment, curiosity, EQ, humility, and relational capital, just to name a few.
But there is one that stands above them all.
The Most Powerful Tool For Speaking Up
A thoughtful question is worth a thousand true statements. Good questions help people see what you see without having to say it.
This is something I’m currently learning the hard way. I can find myself making bold statements with enough power to illicit a mic drop or a pink slip—statements I believe to the bottom of my toes are not only 100% true but indisputably correct. There is no in-between. (And there is never, for any reason, a time to use the word indisputable outside of a courtroom.)
There’s still a lawyer in me—I don’t want on retainer anymore—that loves to jump to statements and solutions when the situation calls for questions. (Statements that often land better in my head than in real life.)
But I’m learning that:
- Questions ease tensions.
- Questions create handles where statements leave holes.
- Questions are lifelines that give you context and communicate openness.
One of my favorite questions is, “Why are you the way that you are?” People tend to lean in when I ask them that. Kidding, of course! Clearly, not all questions are created equally. There are levels to asking great questions.
For example, “Why” questions are not the best way to lead up because asking “WHY” demands a justification and puts people on the defensive. “How did we get here?” is exponentially more digestible than WHY.
Questions Are The Lubricant Of Conflict.
A good question can drastically change the tenor of a conversation. Genuine curiosity can open pathways that are otherwise impassable. Bottom line: Questions eat answers for breakfast when issues are contentious. Use them.
Just don’t mistake them FOR speaking up. They are one of many tools in your toolbelt but at the end of the day—advocating is not asking; offering your opinion is. And that’s hard.
Before speaking up, I now ask myself: What am I missing? Because I’m always missing something. It forces me into an assume-the-best mindset, which allows me to stay open and avoid narratives.
Just Don’t Question Me!
Strong leaders know how to raise questions tactfully and face them with humility. You will find yourself on both sides of this equation. There’s no way around it. The question is, how will you handle it? Because being questioned is the ultimate test of safety.
Jon Acuff says,
Leaders who can’t be questioned, end up doing questionable things.
I could not agree more and would add (because I always add) …
If no one ever questions you, it’s not because you’re a perfect leader; it’s because you’ve proven to be unsafe.
Alright, I’m done raging. Let’s look at what can happen when you finally use your God-given voice.
Use It OR Lose It.
Your voice matters! Losing your voice happens when we withhold long enough that people stop asking what we think. Using your voice is how we avoid losing it.
And when you do, here’s what you’ll discover: Your voice will help others win and push your organization forward. But that’s not all… (my eyebrow just raised slightly) We are not done yet! It goes without saying—which simply means I’m still gonna say it—but when your team, your leader, and your organization win, YOU WIN!
Try Your Voice
Instincts lead to influence. And your unique instincts come down to your thoughts, ideas, and decisions. However, people experience your instincts almost exclusively through your words. (I wish it were not so.)
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’ve been holding back! There is more in there to share. Everyone has something to say—they’re afraid to say. And whatever that is for you IS what separates you from me (and everybody else).
Why does this matter? Because!!!
“What is unshared is often what is most unique to you.”
Find Your Genius
If you are feeling stuck, it’s likely one of two reasons:
- You’re speaking up to the wrong person. (gossip)
- You’re speaking up with no point. (cliche)
You fix both by speaking directly to the person who can solve it and saying the last one percent out loud! Everything else is stock. And don’t miss this:
The unshared is where your genius hides.
In your mind, it’s too bold; in reality, it IS EXACTLY what’s needed. No doubt, it takes insane courage to go there but the insights you are afraid to voice are the same ones that add value others can’t. No one can—just you.
Share The Scary
Influence begins when you begin to share the scary, not the obvious. Anyone can share the safe and predictable, but we’re talking about sharing the hard and helpful as well.
What could happen if you went there? Maybe that idea you keep ruminating on IS madness. Or maybe it’s genius. You’ll never know until you throw it out there.
Make It Safe
Something that helps me pursue the seemingly impossible is teeing it up with the phrase, “Do we dare?” Like magic, it sets the stage for an over-the-top idea and causes people to set down the HOW part of their mind and hear with their imagination.
Suddenly, the room is open to entertaining possibilities—that in some cases SHOULD be squashed— in a fun, light-hearted way. Then, of course, I throw a harpoon when they least expect it and it’s game over! JK. Well, sometimes. Do YOU dare!?
You Are Almost Ready
Understanding the reasons to speak up intellectually is one thing. Overcoming the biological forces holding your tongue (to keep you safe) is where most leaders fold and where we’re headed next. Because you are not most leaders!
Part 3 will tackle WHY speaking up is so rare, even though we know it’s critical. We’ll tackle the deeper reason raising concerns and boldly declaring the truth is becoming a lost art—borderline extinct—and the answer has more to do with our built-in wiring for survival than leadership instincts.
Make sure to subscribe below to know when part 3 is out!
Thank You
Thanks for reading and responding with thoughts! It helps me get better and refine my thinking. If I’m missing something, tell me. If I’m wrong, I wanna know… privately. 😅 Wait, did I mention not calling people out publicly if possible??
➡️ Thanks for sharing on your socials and joining me on this journey of learning to lead in a way that people want to stay.
